Flying Over Water

I’ve never been rich. I mean, there was that one time we lived with one of my Mom’s boyfriends for a year and I went to a fancy school where you rinsed with fluoride before the Pledge of Allegiance and you didn’t have to say, “under God,” if you didn’t want to. But that was seventh grade and now I’m in my late thirties and I don’t have rich stuff.

You’d think, given my semi-frequent trips, that I must have some money socked away. Not really. For about 5 months last year, I worked a second job that paid me … like ludicrous amounts of money. Money that they really shouldn’t have been paying me. Even they eventually realized that and dropped me unceremoniously one day, saying, “We cannot afford to pay you this much money. We can’t.” I was riled then but months removed, I get it. I mean, it was paying me almost three times as much as my actual real job. I was lucky. Everyone had a good Christmas and I paid for literally all my 2014 Disney trips in advance.

But even without psycho second job, that’s how I manage my trips. My “vices” are Disney and Drive-By Truckers trips and Starbucks. That’s pretty much it. And Disney sounds expensive, but it’s one of those things where you can pay incrementally and it’s spread out so much that it’s not that bad. Case in point: I’m going to France next year. And yes, I’m seeing Paris and the Louvre and all the cultural stuff, but we all know I’m going there to see Disneyland Paris. I’m going next April. I’ve been paying for it since this summer. Slowly. Incrementally. Because that’s how you win the race.

I told you all that to tell you this: last year, I went on my first cruise ship. A Disney cruise ship: the Disney Dream. My friend Jeff lured me onboard with promises of a whole new Disney experience, and onboard karaoke, and it being warm in November, and the novelty of three different restaurants with the serving staff following us the whole time. I realized today that I never really talked about the cruise, which I really should have (and which I probably will, at some point), but the biggest change for me on the Kev and Jeff Cruise Extravaganza is that it was the first time I’ve ever really relaxed on vacation. You guys know me. I’m not one to chill. My entire life is one long Type A initiative to get things done. That includes my vacations. I have moments of calming down, but I like to plan! and experience! and make the most of every second! Usually that works out for me. Occasionally I forget to have food and go bonkers and my friends have to get me in the shade and give me peanuts so I stop being so dizzy. Those moments are rare(ish).

But the cruise … I mean, look, like I said, I’m not rich. Not even close. But because Disney lets me pay for stuff over time, I get to have these rich guy experiences. I climbed aboard a big boat, and it took me to remote islands and only like one or two times was I terrified that actual literal sea monsters were going to rise from the depths and wrap their tentacles around my stateroom and drag us down. (Also, at one point, Jeff and I journeyed to the front of the ship at night, and it was dark for miles in all directions, and Jeff said, “Can you imagine that this is the last thing the people on the Titanic saw? Just black water and then nothing.” Then I punched Jeff.)

During our time on the ship, Jeff and I were together almost constantly … and it turned out pretty awesome. Jeff and I have gone on buddy trips before and it’s always been awesome, but people rarely get to see me actually relaxed. Because of that, and because this was a first for both of us, and because when you look out on the placid Atlantic at night and the stars are bright above and so close, and everything in every direction is a beautiful mystery … well, it was a profound experience for me, and one I was so happy to be sharing with someone I like so much.

So when it came time for my traditional birthday tattoo, and Jeff was going to be around for it, it didn’t take me long to figure out what I wanted. I mean, sure, it’s a corporate logo, but who says logos can’t be beautiful? There was simplicity in the design, and if there’s a connecting thread in my tattoos, it’s that pop iconography is vital and important to me.

Besides which, it was going to be the last one I got from my rocktastic artist John, who was giving up the Boston life to go back to his native Michigan, just as Kelly the Wonder Tattooist had left to return to Texas years before. The folks at Chameleon just trade me on – my next guy is a man named Joe and I want nothing more for Christmas than my first ink with him. But John, who had done some of my most intricate art (Hardy/Arbuckle) and some of my most important (Dream Baby Dream) was moving on; an icon for a ship seemed apt.

It didn’t hurt, much. It didn’t take long. And it didn’t cost much. But tattoos tie you to two experiences – what the ink is about, and how the ink happens. Forever, this one little logo represents my amazing experience on the Disney Dream with one of my best friends, and my farewell to a great artist who put so much of his talent on my skin.

I set sail again next week. I can’t wait to get on board, and show this thing off.